BO CAN'T SEE THIS!!

Amanda Ruth

This is the the most beautiful picture of my daughter I have ever seen. I just had to share it. She's absolutely radiant.

What a fun day, I'll never forget it.

:)

It's 7:23 and I'm blogging. most of you know that Ruthie doesn't blog before noon. (FRIENDS groupies, remember this one?--JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD) Yeah, that's me when it comes to mornings. RUTHIE DOESN'T DO MORN...you get the picture. Never, ever been a morning person and I don't think that is likely to change. I sometimes envy people who wake up all peppy and ready to start their day (MOM) I tend to DRRRRAAAAGGGGG my aching bones to the coffee machine that I've preset the night before because it is way too much effort to make coffee in the morning. Pour some coffee, sometimes I actually lay back down but I try not to--that's very dangerous and gotten me into trouble more than once. (Back at Midas in South Dakota we used to call them OH S*#T mornings). I have to drink at least 1 if not 2 cups before I'm fully functioning (DAD) .

Of course, most of you know, I have CHILDREN so that means that not only do I have to wake myself up, I have to beg,plead, bribe, scream, threaten, etc. every morning. Yes, we are definitely Shinns. Kira and Jesse's dad is a morning person (we hated that, sorry Todd, but we did) but they are more like me in the morning and less like him. I wish it weren't true because mornings kill me, just me by myself. So add 2 little tired crankyheads and we have got quite the combo. It's hectic, and I try really hard to be loving and happy so that they can start their day off right. But I'm not perfect and it doesn't always happen that way.

This morning, I am up and blogging and drinking coffee. Normally I would be rushing around getting us all ready to go but the kids are off school for their Christmas break so they stayed overnight with their good friends (and mine) Jayden and Derek (Jonni and Mike's kids). I thought that would make this morning easier for me, so I wouldn't have to get them ready to go anywhere or take them anywhere, they will spend the day with the Snells and then tonight Derek and Jayden will spend the night with us.

Then my wonderful boss told me I could work from home this morning (she drives me to work everyday) and she would pick me up at 11. So I was excited to get to do some work in my pj's this morning, sip my coffee, stress free, no kids, no running around and looking for mittens at the last minute or lecturing about putting things in the same place every night so you always know where it is in the morning....yes, it was going to be a rare and productive morning.

Not so.

I woke up BEFORE my alarm went off, at about 6:20 am. My body ached from my toes to my neck. And when I say ache, I don't mean like take a tylenol and put a cold rag on it kind of ache. I mean excruciating, I could not get myself out of bed, could not walk up the stairs, could not even open the medicine bottle kind of ache. It hurt so bad I actually cried.

I've had 5 children, 4 of which were total natural births, the only crying I did was after they were born and I saw their beautiful faces. I've been a in a few car accidents, again, not much crying. I'm not tooting my own horn, as my dad would say, I'm just trying to give you an idea of what I'm dealing with. I do cry, don't get me wrong LOL, everyone knows that I cry. But I cry over emotional things. Not pain.

I''ve been suffering with degenerative disks for over 10 years now and in the beginning it was manageable and didn't inhibit my lifestyle. That has all changed. I am not the same person, physically, that I used to be. I'm no longer strong, in shape, slim, etc. I have to see a doctor every 2 weeks. I am going to the neurosurgeon on Tuesday. I've been on and through a myriad of medicines, some helped, some didn't, some made my life hell.

I don't want to complain, some of you have heard all of this before. But I was just really, really feeling sad this morning. As I was gripping the hand rail pulling myself up the stairs, grimacing and bursting out little cries with each step, I just couldn't believe it. I saw an image of my grandmother in my mind, her last years when I used to take care of her a lot, she could not walk with out help, couldn't get in and out of bed, so many things had changed for her. She had ALWAYS been a very active woman and after her strokes she lost all of that independence and she was in pain. I thought of her and I was sad that she went through that and glad that she's not going through it anymore.

Then, of course, I worry that I'm heading there quickly. I don't know what's wrong with me today, but it's very painful. This is not the first time it's happened. Doctors have said that it's related to the nerve damage in my neck. My knees feel like they are frozen, my fingers feel stiff and fat but they look normal. I have tingling and numb sensations in my hands, feet, arms and legs. I could go on and on. I won't, that's not the point.

I don't talk about it much, I don't want to seem like I'm looking for sympathy or attention or anything like that. plus, some people just plain don't believe you. Or others want to tell you what you should do about it, not realizing that I've been going through this for a long time and have tried EVERYTHING. (Neurosurgeon, is one I haven't tried, we'll see... ) I know they mean well, but I really don't want to hear it. it's like telling a person with cancer what their options are, you already know the treatments are out there, but that doesn't make the fact that you have the disease any easier. Or take the pain away. So I generally keep it to myself. I hurt everyday, some days more,some days less. I wish it would go away forever.

But this morning was the hardest I've had in a long time. And I think that it was partially the extreme pain, but also the agonizing thought that I am alone. There is no one here to help me up the stairs or open the medicine bottle for me. I know God is with me, and I was crying out to God with each step. But for the first time since Riley and I broke up, I felt the weight of the loss. The loss of our dreams, the loss of our friendship, the loss of just knowing that someone is there and I have help.

I have always projected myself as this strong independent almost fearless woman. That makes me laugh because the opposite is true. Well, not entirely, but kind of. I guess I'm like everyone else, I'm strong sometimes, but I need help sometimes. Sometimes asking for help IS being strong. I am independent, but I like to be needed and I sometimes need someone. I've been fearless, having a child is definitely one of the bravest and riskiest things a person can do, it's so unstructured and there aren't any rule books or clear definitions for parenting. It's like sky diving, you just leap and hope that when you pull the string the chute pops out! That's somewhat fearless, but I am full of fear, I fear that I am screwing up my kids daily! I fear that everyone will see through my facade and discover that I am weak and have faults LOL.

Wow, I am rambling, thanks though, those of you that are "listening" I needed this. I haven't had a harder morning in years. I've lived enough to know that it gets easier, and it gets harder, and it gets easier again. Life goes on and I go on and somehow with God's help we always make it and even manage to smile.

I miss Riley, I'll always care for him. I won't go into all of that, it's too personal, but I just wanted to say it publicly. Too often when people go their separate ways they say a lot of negative about each other. I don't want to do that, I could, but I don't want to. I'd rather remember why we were together in the first place but know that it's just not in God's plan for us to be together. I'll leave it at that. I miss him.

And I miss my family. Boogie, T Ball, if you are reading this, please give your mother a call!! I need you too!! Mandy, you are my BAby girl, sweetie pie. Jellybean, I can't wait to have a good sister session. Scott, remember when I used to sing you to sleep in your crib LMAO!!! (remember when I used to always tell that story after I drank a bottle of wine) You are my favorite little brother, always will be. :)

Lots of love to all my friends out there too, you know who you are!!

ruthie

What is life if it is not change?

Thursday, Dec 4, 2008 Your usual routine is likely to be disrupted now, either by "freak" accidents beyond your control or by your own impatience with the status quo. Sudden unexpected events and breaking free of confining situations and relationships are very likely.

This is my horoscope today. It's right on the mark. I'm no longer in a relationship. It is both liberating and sad at the same time. I've handled this before in my life and I know I can handle it again. Unfortunately, every single time I've ended up being the one who was TOO kind, TOO generous, TOO naive and TOO trusting. Therefore I am broke and carless. Well, I have a vehicle but it needs body work. I'll get it taken care of, it's just hard because my work is so demanding (and kids).

We are better off, really, and I know I made a good decision. I just want to take care of my gift (kids) to the best of my ability and stay away from poison. Please write if you want to cheer me up cause I need it. I have great family and friends. I am blessed. oh, and I love my job too even if it is stressful. I get to help people with my job and that is fulfilling. I got a call yesterday from a happy newly employed man, he thanked me. That doesn't happen very happen and was very nice.

I've had some surreal moments over the past few days. A co-worker of mine made me smile. He put a traditional Ahtna Athabaskan song (from the cd I put together last summer) on his phone as his ringtone. He's not Indian. How cool is that?! I am constantly amazed at the power human beings have and how we don't even know how often the things we do can vastly affect someone else. That had a profound effect on me and my day. Thank you Corey!

I hope my friends and family are happy and well today. I pray for you all each night, well Kira and Jesse and I do. I miss my kids that are in Utah so much. My daughter that lives here brings me a tremendous amount of pride and joy (She's my sweet little thing..She's my pride and joy, she's my sweet little baby and I'm her......Loving Mom!! LOL)

Tsin'aen

Ruthie

It's all in the eyes

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I know I did. Very calm, peaceful, good food. I cooked all day, which I haven't done for a very long time and enjoyed every minute of it. I forgot how much I love to cook! The dinner was delicious, with help from Mom and Riley. The only thing that could have made it better is if Mandy, Tina and Rocky could have been there. I'm asking Santa for them for Christmas. Having all my kids with me for the holiday, it's the only thing on my list.

Love you all! Write to me, it brightens my day!

Nurse Nan (old nickname)

If there's a will there's a way

Here's a couple of my angels. I am so lucky, everyone should be...Thank you God for all my kids. :)

I promise I'll be writing more later. I've had so many strange wonderful things happen lately! It's a crazy world...

Enjoy. Dreaming is a wonderful thing. Sometimes it's the only thing we have, but it's the safest way to experience life...and then you can take it from there. Go put that in your pipe and smoke it!!!

INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE

It's been so long since I've written anything. All I can think of to say right now is INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE!! INSANE IN THE BRAIN!! Does anyone remember that crazy song? Well, it describes me right now. I love life, I hate life, things are great, things are horrible. What can I say?? Hence the pretty pics. Even the one of Bo (my future son-in-law) with pink hair. I love it. Bo, you rock!! And the Mandy and Bo in there Harry Potter get upsl Then there's the pic of the outdoor thermometer that someone sent me. I had to print it because we had one EXACTLY like that when I was growing up. And it usually hung around -20 or lower. Global warming has changed that. Anyway, I realized I hadn't said anything lately. It's mostly because my life has changed sooo much, and that's good. But the hard part is I have less time for a lot of things. Like hanging with the kids, singing, blogging, etc. But I love my job, so I won't complain, right?? Could be worse, Lord knows, it could definitely be worse. I have been there. So I wanted to share these cool pics with you all and say HI and all that. You know, you are all welcome to comment, I like it, makes me feel like I have friends!!! LOL love always,
Ruthie

Hello all from the land of the never ending rain. I am going insane with all of this precipitation and grey skies. I heard on the radio that this is a record setting low-temperature-no sunshine- too-much-rain summer. I think I already knew that because in all my years in Alaska I have NEVER seen it like this. So those of you who live places where the sun is shining and the mercury rises above 65 degrees, DO NOT tell me about it because I may have a break down. I am a sun girl--I thrive in the rays and heat. I eat less, smoke less, move around more and smile a heck of a lot more when the sun is out regularly.

The weather is so bad I am seriously thinking about moving outside.

Anyway, I could whine about that for a long time. I'm on the computer to try to forget about the weather so here goes...

Jesse had his first football practice EVER on Friday night. He came home all amped up and woke up good and sore on Saturday. Then off to another practice on Saturday. He made it through that one too even even though his body ached. Actually, he looked like he was having the time of his life when we picked him up. He loves football, I can tell. I don't know anything about the sport but I think he's got a knack for it. He's got a great arm for a kid his age. And I'm not just saying that cause he's my son. ;)

Attached are some pics of him in his uniform. I may try to edit them in a while and replace them if I can get them to look any better but for right now this is what I've got. I can't wait to see his first game!

I'd like to put Kira in cheerleading (Jesse's in Pop Warner football, they have cheerleading too) but Jesse's sport pretty much broke me financially so I decided that Kira can wait another year before she cheers. Plus I was told that the cheerleading is even more expensive (why, I do not know) and I can't swing them both this year. But hopefully by next year I can because I love cheerleading, and both my older daughters cheered. They were sooooo good and it was very exciting to watch them at tournaments. That was so fun for us and the girls loved it too. So I think it would be a good experience for Kira. My son RJ also played Pop Warner football and I'll never forget how adorable he was out on the field. It was exhilirating to watch and the whole fam used to come out sometimes just to see him play. My Dad loved it and was a proud grandpa, watching Mandy, Tina and RJ do their thing on the field. I'm excited about Jesse and Kira doing this and I know it will be excellent for Jesse. Sports are good for the soul and teach a young person so many valuable lessons. I'm grateful to God that I'm able to put him in.

So I'm going to work on some photos now. Hope you like the ones I've been putting up. I also wanted to let everyone know that I now have a Facebook page. Look me up under Ruthie Shinn or my hotmail which is ruthieshinn@hotmail.com.

love ya all!

Ruthie (Momma)

Some Day

So this is how the day started out. Everyone looked soooo not excited. I have to admit I really wasn't too incredibly excited either but it was Saturday , time to get out of the house and do SOMETHING! Here we are on the bus.
Then, we went to the Governors picnic, which sounds like a terribly geeky thing to do, but what the heck.




Jesse and Kira on a military helicopter of some sort....





While we were there we called my cuz Tonya to see if her daughter Shyla could come hang with us. So she showed up with Shyla and her cute little guy Destin. After watching the helicopter take off we decided to go for a walk to the park.




The kids had a good time at the park...and the train went by while we were there! Destin loved that!











Then we decided to keep going and trotted off to the Saturday Market. I love the Saturday Market, there's always food, music and lots to look at. The kids saw a booth where you could get your hair painted and face too, so guess what we did next!



Then Destin wanted HIS face painted too! It was so cute cause he wanted the biggest most expensive design so we had to talk him into something smaller and less expensive. He finally agreed and sat down. I think he might have almost changed his mind once they started painting. But he was brave and went through with it and the results were to cute for words.






It was a really fun day, which was totally unexpected. Everyone was tuckered out in the end. I love those unexpected surprises of good friends and family on a rare sunny day! Thanks Tonya! Thanks kids! Thanks Riley! I love you all!!

Come to Tanacross!!!!!!

I must be crazy (hahahahahahahaha) Those of you who know me already know that I most certainly am. I am going through this thing where I am elated and in the clouds happy one day, then crying and certain that nothing is ever going to go right the next. I don't want to say what the doctor has to say about that, I choose to be in denial. But it is most certainly reminding me of being 13 all over again. THIRTEEN!!! Nobody in their right mind ever wants to go back to being 13. I must say, the Creator has me baffled on this one. I'm not sure what Creator intends when it comes to FEELING 13 years old but not LOOKING 13. Must be some kind of punishment for all the wrong things I've done, plus the abuse of my temple (body). Anyway, it's been on my mind a lot lately, but I'd rather not dwell on it because my life is so full of so much more.

I've put some pictures up, I hope you all enjoy them. Some of the pow wow pics are alright but I have some better ones. As soon as I can figure out why they won't download I'll put them up. It was a really fun pow wow and even though there was a midget dancer who wasn't wearing underwear under his traditional garb, it was great to see the colors and and hear the sounds. I sure miss South Dakota, where the pow wows were so big and the drumming and singing gave me shivers. I don't think there's anything much more exciting than that, and a whole field of Indians, wow, beautiful.

When I was a kid we used to go to potlatch (for those of you who don't know, a potlatch is an Athabascan pow wow) and I remember I could hear the drums from the road as we were getting close to the hall. Back then, we held potlatches in this little old log cabin. It was so small but I was little so it seemed big to me. The windows were always steamed up from the bodies and breathing and cooking. You could feel the heat hit you when you walked in the door and the aroma of moose stew would over power your senses. Fish, moose, caribou, wow what a combination. Ahtna style fry bread. MMMMMMMM. The cabin was packed from wall to wall and there was barely room to move around. People came from all over. The potlatches would go for hours and hours. The singing and dancing were my favorite part and even when I was two I would be right up there in the middle of them. I remember the elders smiling down at me while I danced. There was such a tremendous energy on the floor and it would shake beneath our feet. No one sat down, everyone danced. The singing was so loud you had to shout in someones ear if you wanted to say something to them. The drummers were in the middle and they would lead song after song after song. The sweat rolling down our faces, our backs. The men danced in the middle and they would dance low to the ground holding their hands up with feathers in them. They would shake the feathers at certain parts of the songs but I couldn't speak the language so I never knew what they were singing about most of the time. But even though I didn't know exactly what they were saying, I did know that it meant something. It was powerful. I had my favorite songs. I still remember them to this day. I still remember the strength in those songs, the emotion in the womens voices, I long for it.

After the eating and singing and dancing it was time for the speeches. Boy I tell you, kids today would never have made it back then (LOL never thought I'd hear myself say THAT). We were told to clean, clean, clean and then when we were done cleaning we sat down and kept our mouths SHUT. I could not understand most of what the elders were saying but it didn't matter. They spoke for hours and I could tell that they were speaking from their hearts. This was a traditional part of potlatches that doesn't happen that often anymore. Back then people came from villages far away and they stayed for days. So sometimes they brought condolences for the deceased persons family from other members of their village. Other times they spoke about the deceased and told stories, some funny, some sad. Or an elder might talk about useless death if someone was killed in an alcohol related incident. These speeches represented so much and were an extremely important part of the potlatch. I've been sad to see it slowly disappear. It wasn't a time for boasting or talking just to hear your own voice. It was beautiful. Important.

The food, the music, the speeches, all part of a wonderful tradition. But it was also the camaraderie, too. All of us spending time together, laughing, crying, sharing food, sharing music. And at the end gifts would be given away. It's a very complex ritual that involves clans and families and I can barely understand it all, let alone explain. Let it just suffice to say that a lot of people left with food, blankets, Indian jewelry, guns, and more. One more amazing part of our culture that makes me proud of the people I come from.

Anyway, I love going to pow wows because it reminds me that I, too, am an Indian woman with a wonderful heritage. I love to see and hear the people celebrating Indian cultures. I love to take my kids and show them how cool it is to be an Indian.

I'm also half white, which is also cool! But that's a blog for another day. Thanks for reading and I promise I will post those pictures as soon as I get it figured it out (my crazy camera/phone)
LOVE YOU ALL!!

ruthie

PS, They did an old favorite of all Athabaskans, what most people refer to as the Tanacross song. Of course, there are a lot of songs about Tanacross and multiple other villages but this song is well known throughout interior Alaska. The reason is because it was written for a potlatch for a popular chief who passed away(many many years ago). The lyrics say Anii, Tanacross Anii. Anii in our language is pronounced Ah-nee, with the emphasis on the first syllable. The translation is "Come Tanacross Come" But of course when you're singing it, it comes out like Ah-nay. So everyone says AH-NAAAY, TANACROSS AH-NAY. Anyway, all interior Athabaskans have known this song for many decades. The potlatch for this chief was a very big one and many, many people traveled long distances to be there. Hence this song was written, Come to Tanacross. It's popular because people from villages all around the state have known that song for generations. Soooooo, now they've made it even more interesting by singing it lower 48 Indian style. I love it! So did my Mom and we were singing and dancing away. Oh yeah, we rock!!

Mandy

What a day! I cannot describe the feeling...she is so incredibly beautiful that I could not hold back the tears. I made the sales assistant cry! We found the perfect dress and had a wonderful time. It was all I dreamed and I think Mandy even had a great time! I'm very tired today from a long day of work but I've been wanting to post these pics ever since Saturday and it's Tuesday now so I'll go ahead and post. I can write more another day. Enjoy!

A Day I Dreamed about

Today I get to go shopping with my oldest daughter. I'm so excited. Why is shopping so exciting? Because this is THE shopping trip for a mother and a daughter. When I was pregnant with Amanda, I dreamed that I would have a girl. A girl with brown curly hair. After that dream I would honestly daydream about this girl. I would imagine taking my little girl around and showing her off (because of course my kids are the smartest and the cutest). After she was born I day dreamed about prom dresses and beauty salons. Mother/daughter bonding stuff. Kind of like fishing for father's and their kids I guess :) Don't get me wrong, I was the queen of outdoor fun when my oldest kids were little. We used to go camping and hiking and boating all the time. But there's still something about buying your first prom dress that is sooooo exciting. And it was, Amanda and Tina and I got to go do that and even though I had no job and I was totally broke I spent all of our money on their prom dresses and accessories. Because that's a once in a lifetime moment and you never get it back.

Well Amanda is long done with proms now. She's in college and has a great job. She has lived on her own since she turned 18. Last Christmas her boyfriend did the unexpected. He popped the question and she said yes! I was so happy for them I cried. Ever since then I've been in shock. My baby girl is getting married. Whoa. I swear I was just daydreaming about showing her off, holding her little hand and walking her around. Fixing her curly hair and dressing her up in cute little outfits. I swear it was just yesterday that I stood by her crib and cried tears of joy because I couldn't believe she was mine (my husband at the time used to think I was so weird). It seems I blinked and she was a teenager all of a sudden, then I blinked again and now she's getting married. No more blinking...

I'm crying as I write this but maybe it's good to just get it out of the way. It'll be hard not to cry today. Today we are shopping for THE dress. The wedding dress. It's going to be so fun. I didn't realize how emotional I would feel. I'm very happy about them getting married. But today marks another passage in life. She doesn't belong to me anymore. She's her own person and she makes her own decisions and lives her own life. I don't have any say. This might be the last thing I get any say in! (I hope not, I hope she lets me help her with her kids!) Yes, today is a very special occasion and I'm not going to blink the entire day.

By the way, I'm still showing her off. I couldn't be prouder of the young woman she's become. I brag about her all the time. I just know I'll be beaming as she tries on dresses (and holding back tears) because she's so beautiful. My baby girl is getting married and I'll do anything to make sure she has the best wedding she could possibly have, just like that prom so long ago. Well, now she has her own money so I don't have to break the bank and not pay the rent LOL. Anyway, I better get going, I've got a great day ahead of me. I'll to let you know how it went!

shooting baskets, playing hopscotch

Since I have soooo many readers I thought I better check in. I'm at home today and miserable. I've had this terrible flu or something that makes me super super burning up hot and then I'm freezing and shivering. Back and forth, over and over. The funny thing is the first day it was happening I thought I was having a lot of hot flashes! Then I realized that there's no way I could be having a hot flash every other minute and they've never left me shivering either. So needless to say I went home early yesterday and had to stay home to day. I HATE it because I love my job and I love to be productive and busy. This laying on the couch and watching movies is so lame.

I've realized after some research that I am in fact approaching middle age. Well, I'm done approaching it, I'm pretty much in it. Yes, I will be a middle aged woman in all aspects of the phrase, physically, chronologically, etc. My body is doing weird things and I DON'T like it. I actually cried today when it hit me why I was having all these symptoms. Like a big sobbing with tears cry.

It's not that I feel old necessarily. I'm happy with my life, some regrets but I've learned from them and I feel good about things now. I don't feel like everything's all over with. Quite the contrary, I feel like things are just beginning. Like I'm going to discover new things and this phase of my life will be the most enjoyable. No, I'm not feeling doom.

I guess it's just the REALITY of the physical changes. They point the imminent future. I watched my grandparents age and slowly disintegrate and while it doesn't frighten me, I'm not looking forward to it that's for sure. Senility, lack of mobility, losing strength, brittle bones, sickness. I've seen them go through periods of all of those and I know that if I live to be old that I too will experience at least some of it. The changes that are taking place in me now make me sharply aware of time gone by. It makes me want to hurry up and do the things I always wanted to do but haven't done. I want to do the things I used to do but stopped doing for whatever reason. When I run now it hurts, I want that to go away. When I sleep I wake up in pain, arthritic and stiff. These things shout to me LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST. GO OUT AND ENJOY IT ALL BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW WHEN IT MIGHT BE DONE. I watch my kids and I hope that they see me healthy, strong, independent. I strive for it.

Heavy thinking, I guess when you have a virus it makes you realize how little control we really have over anything. The sun is shining today. When I get better I'm going to go to the park with Kira and Jesse and shoot some baskets and play hopscotch. :)

My country tis of thee

When my son RJ was 3 he used to say he wanted to be in the Ash-nal Gar. After I figured out that he was saying National Guard I was quited proud of him. We had good talks about what he wanted to be when he grew up and army was at the top of his list. I know most little boys have some fascination with military in general and I suppose it has something to do with the equipment, machine guns and tanks, but he was persistent in his 3 year old dream and I thought it was a good one.

His dad did not. Early in our marriage he spent about 6 years in the U.S. Air Force. He did not like it. His parents didn't like it either. He joined because we got married young and didn't have much in the way of education or experience to support our quickly growing family. It was the late 1980's and the Cold War was over. Our country seemed secure on the world front. We felt safe as a nation. Uncle Sam had captivating commercials on television encouraging young men to "Be all that you can be." It looked like a good life, fun even. Plus, we wanted to travel and the military looked like the ticket to anywhere. So he joined and we got sent to South Dakota (which I had to look up on the map because who ever talks about South Dakota?). But that's another story.

Rocky did his time in the military but he never liked it. It was an adventure at first but he quickly bored with his work, he was a bomb loader, and tired of the constant rules. He longed to be free, to grow his hair and wear what he wanted and call in sick if he needed to. He couldn't wait to get out.

Then Desert Storm hit. We were so shocked that our country was going to war. It seemed surreal, impossible. But it was real. People all around us were sent over seas. We crossed our fingers and thanked God that Rocky was a bomb loader. Loaders generally stay out of combat zones. They don't have to be on the front lines. I was so grateful that such a random designation a few years ago could very likely have saved his life. Or at least save us a lot of fear and worry. We knew quite a few people who had to go and even my brother-in-law was sent to Germany with the National Guard. We realized how naive and comfortable we had been before Desert Storm, that anything could happen in this tumultuous world and put our family at risk.

Desert Storm passed with no great threat to our family, but Rocky had decided he was definitely leaving the military at the first chance he got. I was torn over this, we had a good life. A nice house, mini-van, medical coverage, friends. It was a life that had taken years to build and I wasn't ready to give it up. Rocky's parents agreed with him, they wanted him out as soon as possible. It was a hard time in our marriage and probably the beginning of the end, but that's another story too.

By the time RJ was playing army and dreaming of being a soldier Rocky and I were divorced and he had left the Air Force. But I had left the military world unscathed and had fond memories of our years with my husband in uniform. The military was honorable, exciting and promising. I had seen young people come in with nothing but a high school education and leave with training, experience and money for college. I had seen men and women that had been in for years who had built a career, family and made a very good living. They retired at 40 with all those things and still were young enough to go out and make an even better life. They had seen the world. Some had seen the war. I saw nothing wrong with that and if my son wanted to join the armed forces I backed him 100 percent. I even envisioned him graduating from OCS or coming home handsome in his uniform, young and strong, his future secure.

This morning, on front page of the Anchorage Daily News, was a picture of a little girl kissing a monument with her daddy's name on it. Her daddy that is never coming home. I read the name of her and her father. I thought for a minute that he was from my hometown. I nearly cried. After a little research I found that he was not who I thought he was and I don't know him.. But I thought it was the third young person from our town to be lost to this terrible war. I come from a very small town. We've lost two young men and it has shaken up their friends and families. It has shaken me up.

Thousands have died in this war. Every time I see another front page news story with pictures of promising young men and women in uniform pronounced dead I feel sick. I have children, I see them in those pictures. I imagine their mothers, husbands, wives, fathers. I am infuriated. I ask the question, why? Why are we sending our young people to die? I don't understand! I watch the press releases with President Bush talking about national security and terrorism. I look for some sign of accountability on his face. I see none. I see a half smirk. His answers are generic, not thoughtful or conclusive. Congress seems only half interested in this disaster. I am sickened because I know loss. I understand the pain of the soul of someone you love being taken from this earth. I know how it feels to miss them. To celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, milestones and wish they could be there to be a part of it.

I believe in patriotism. My father was an army man. He was proud to have served his country. We knew this about him and when he died we buried him at Ft. Richardson. They played taps and handed the folded flag to my mom, saluted her, fired the rifles. I'll never, ever forget how it felt to hear that mournful song. To have to get up and walk away and see his casket there, waiting to be put in his final resting place. The feeling that I was leaving him. I wanted to go back and tell him to GET UP, DON'T BE DEAD, COME HOME WITH US. MY husband had to pull me to the car and I felt like I failed my dad somehow. It was the most empty I have ever felt in my life, the finality of him really being gone, never coming back. Never coming home.

I feel that over and over again when I see those kids on the front page. I wonder if President Bush knows that feeling. His daughter just got married. It was a million dollar wedding. She lives a charmed life. She won't go to Iraq. He won't hear the gun salute and watch them put her in the ground. He'll most likely see grandkids be born, watch them grow.

I love my country. I hate what we are doing. I want answers for all the dead, the wounded. Real answers. I want our President to look me in the eye and tell me once and for all WHY we are engaged in this war. Not broad generalizations about security and blah blah. Real down to earth answers that make sense of this. What is worth sending people to their early graves? What?

RJ, a teenager now, no longer talks of joining the National Guard. I'm glad. I'm very glad.

The things they say

I was reading my sister in laws blog, she's very good about keeping us up on all the things my niece and nephews are doing, and saying. She wrote some pretty funny stuff about my nephews, their little minds are soooo imaginative. Makes me wish I was a little kids sometimes, just to experience that kind of magic in my head again. I forget how creative little ones are sometimes, but when you are around kids it is amazing to watch them and get a glimpse into their minds.

Her stories made me reflect on some of the things my kids use to say. Like the time Jesse (at 5 years old) was asking about my dad being in heaven, and also my grandpa. He said "Mommy, are we going to go to heaven and see them?" I said, "Yes, someday". "SUNDAY!! We're going to heaven on Sunday?" He exclaimed. "Nooooo", I said, somewhat sadly but with a half-smile on my face, "Not Sunday, SOMEDAY." He was so disappointed, he thought we were going to see his Papa in a few days. I thought that was the cutest thing ever.

Or the time that my other son, RJ, (3 years old) was opening a Christmas present. It was a huge box and we were all watching, waiting to see his excited reaction. Hurriedly he tore the wrapping off then sat back and stared blankly at the box. "What the hell is this?" He said (only he said heww because he couldn't say his l's). "WHAT" every adult said in unison. "What...the .hew...is...this??" He repeated, more slowly and exaggerated for us numbskull adults who obviously couldn't hear right. Everyone fell off their chairs laughing and I tried to recover gracefully as the parent and said "Where did he learn THAT" as if I didn't know. That was a Christmas we never forgot.

Or when Tina (3 years old) sitting on her papa's lap tapped on his protruding belly and said "Papa, you need to go potty, potty, potty." My dad LAUGHED and said, "I wish it was that easy, Tina."

Mandy, when she was under 2 (she was sooo smart and talked really well) used to looooove Bobby McFarin and the "Don't worry, be happy" song. Every time the video came on tv she would run over and watch it and sing. Well, she thought that every black guy we saw was Bobby McFarin, so whenever we were at the commissary or BX if we passed a black guy, little tiny Mandy in her stroller would shout, "HI HAPPY!" Of course the dude never knew what she meant but always smiled at her and said hi back. She was sooo funny.

Kira's famous one is when she had chocolate cake all over her face one night and Grandma had specifically told them to stay out of the cake. Grandma asked Kira, "Did you eat chocolate cake?" Kira said, "NO". Grandma asked again, "Kira, are you sure you didn't eat any cake?" Kira insisted she had not. Grandma told her, "Kira, it's not nice to lie, you have cake on your face." Kira thought for a second then said, "You didn't SEE me." We laughed and laughed. I told mom she should be a lawyer when she grows up, since she already understood the concept of circumstantial evidence!

Those are just a few, I've got so many more. I've always thought I should write them down, cause I keep them all in my head and I'm afraid that I'll forget something someday. I love kids, they are the light of the world, aren't they?

Life is strange...life is good...life is all that it should be

One of the bands I love is Donna the Buffalo. They have great songs and one of those songs has a chorus that says Life is strange, life is good, life is all that it should be. How true, eh? I can look back at different life changing events and wonder about the strangeness of it all. How did I get there? How did I happen to walk into that place and meet that particular person that turned into a job, or a husband, or a life long friend. Different events that lead to major milestones in my life...is it random or is there a great master plan...Do I have control over any of it? Some of it? It's baffling at times, curious. I don't spend too much time wondering, because it's the living that you have to get on with. But I do contemplate the road map from time to time and shake my head in wonder at where I am and how I got here.

This rant comes from the fact that I got a job yesterday. I've been working temporarily for a construction company, filling in and working particular projects. Well, I love this office, I mean, really love it. You know how it is when there's a really good vibe amongst a group of people? I get along great with everyone in that office. And I respect them because they all work very hard and the office runs like a well oiled machine, to use a cliche. Everyone does their job and helps each other out and it's pleasant and inspiring. So I've been sad because I knew my time was limited. But my boss kept extending a couple days at a time. I've completed a lot of work but there's always more to be done. Then there was a nasty flu that hit most of the office and more work piled up. I've been busy, hard at work. Wishing I could stay there indefinitely.

Yesterday my opportunity came.

One of my co-workers did something she should not have done. I really like this girl and I've heard she's very smart and a hard worker, so I feel bad about what happened. But she made a bad decision (let's just say it involved Vegas and leave it at that) and was let go. That's when they (the boss and my new boss) came into my office and asked if I wanted to work.

So I'm ecstatic because I have a job and I haven't had regular work in soooooooooooooo long. And I love the crew I'm working with, all of them. I just know that this is one of those moments that I will look back on and know that this is a life changing experience.

It's a new field for me, construction, I've not done this kind of work before. I love new challenges, my days go by fast and I go home happy because I've used my brain all day and that makes me feel whole. I usually adapt quickly. In fact, it's usually fun.

So I'm embarking on yet another journey. I often joke about my "lives". I've lived several lives, the life of a hair stylist, a musician, a stay at home mom, a park ranger, a student, and now, construction. I'm not sure what the title is yet, but it'll come to me.

Anyway, I'm grateful today. A bit amused at how things work out. And happy, yes, today I'm happy.

It's over 30 degrees

Update--I'm smoking again. I'm working again. One's bad, one's good, but it's all part of this crazy life that I lead LOL. I've reconnected with some loved ones that I missed very much. This week has been a whirlwind and as spring starts to show some love I feel it surging through my veins, my arteries, my heart. Thank you God for the blessings!!

I don't mhave much time so I got to go. Peace!!

So it is the end of February and I'm getting excited for spring. I know, I know, it's gonna be a little while yet, but the way time flies as you get old, it should be here, sayyyy tomorrow. (Cause I'm that old). There's still snow and a lot of ice on the ground but the sun is rising when I get up to get the kids off to school and it's starting to set around dinner time. Walking is pleasant in the crisp air, and I feel renewed by the daily increase in daylight.

Jesse and Kira brought their mid term grades home and they are both doing outstanding. I couldn't be prouder. Jesse is a peer mediator at school and he's so proud. He takes his job very seriously. It's a great program and they are teaching him leadership and problem solving skills. The teacher that nominated him said he was the first student that came to her mind out of all the kids in her class. (yes, I'm bragging) Kira writes in her homemade journals everyday and loves to cut up paper and make decorations for the house. She's always got some kind of project going on, completely created in her own mind. She definitely does not get that from me. Tina used to do the same thing when she was little. I was always finding little drawings and art projects around the house. It's funny, Mandy and Jesse are a lot alike in ways and Tina and Kira are a lot a like too. RJ, well, he's just marching to his own drummer. I sure miss him dreadfully. We've got a Utah jar that we put all our loose change in to save for a trip to see RJ. He's growing so fast I just want to cry. Speaking of crying, my baby girl is getting married 2 summers from now. Sniff, sniff, I can't believe it. A mother's tears never end. We have tears of pure joy, tears of beaming pride, tears of sorrow when we miss our kids and tears of laughter when they say or do the funniest things. I especially like the tears of complete surety that my child loves me, and whenever one of them does something, even the littlest thing, that shows me that they care, I cry. Those are the best tears of all.

Ronday, rondayvoo COME ON

I know that's not how you spell it but that's how they sing it. Does anyone else hate that commercial as much as I do? And it's been the same song for YEARS. I can't wait until it's over so I don't have to hear that stupid song anymore. Yeah

I got my computer working so I get to write again. Yippeeeeee.

Kira and Jesse's teachers got them all psyched about the Fur Rondy soooooo, I had to go today. Downtown, crowded, a bit chilly, no good food, lots of people in goofy clothing, you get the picture. Actually, I'm just being a tired baby. It was pretty fun for the most part. We watched the foot race. Very interesting. I didn't realize that people ran in costume for that race lol. It was pretty entertaining. Then the parade, which was kind of lame. They weren't throwing candy!! Isn't that like some kind of parade rule? They're supposed to throw candy right? There weren't any cool floats, so it was anti-climactic. So then we went to the carnival and Jesse and Kira went on some rides. Boy, everything was EXPENSIVE. But they had a good time. I didn't realize that they were ready for some of the big scary rides now. They went on that superman flying ride (I don't know what it's called, that's what it looks like to me) and I was sure that Kira was going to be scared but she came off of there laughing and saying "That was AWESOME". So I let them go on a few more. I can't believe how big they are now.

So I'm eating some of my homemade bread, yum. I'm pretty whipped, the cold air takes it out of me. Well, we went down there early this morning and we were on our feet the whole day. Finally got home at about 5. I'm rambling now, got no brains left. Like my dad would say "What's in there!" Nothing. Nothing at all right now. So I'll sign off for now....

Hey ya'll

I'm having problems with my computer so my blogs will be a bit sporadic. I'm at my neighbors house right now, hope I can fix mine soon. the days are getting longer and my outlook is getting brighter. My kids get sweeter and the sun hangs in the sky a little more each day. Hope I can write more soon but that's gonna have to be it for now. I can still read what you all have to say, I just cant write; so keep writing! Peace and love,

ruthie

This is killing me

Why do I live here? I need to get out. I can't find any enjoyment in this miserable cold. I long for the hot summer days and the sunshine and the green everywhere. I wake up in the morning and DREAD the coming day. Nothing to do, nowhere to go, to cold to go out and enjoy ANYTHING. AAARRRGGGHHH. I do this every winter and I really need to get it together so I can get out of here.

How is everyone else doing? Are you hating it too? I swear, this time of year it's day by day. I have no desire to even CLEAN MY HOUSE. Those of you who know me know how rare that is lol. Please God get me through another winter, grant me warm summer days sooon.

bored?

Okay, I keep getting these from other folks and I think I'm above them but I'm so bored I'm going to fill it out. If you're bored enough to read it go for it. Don't say I didn't warn you!

1. Last person you had a deep and meaningful convo with?
My good buddy Helen, well it was more funny than deep and meaningful! But we have them all the time...

2. Where was the last place you went?
Meeting in Eagle River ;)

3. Does your ex miss you?
Of course, they all do!

4. Look at your 3rd friend on myspace. Think about it, do you really like them?
What?? Oh Yeah, I got this quiz from my myspace...

5. Who is the last baby that you held?
Does a 2 year old count? I held my cousin today.

6. Do you know of any twins with rhyming names?
no, God no

7. Reason behind why you last cried?
Stressed out

8. How much cash do you have on you?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

9. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

10. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a regret?
If I could change a regret I'd probably have a million bucks

11. Whats on your mind right now?
a million bucks

12. Do you have a deep dark secret?
I'd rather not think about it

13. Do you currently like someone?
NO!!

14. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had?
Ewwwww, never had any hot teachers

15. What was the last thing you got grounded for?
I'm an old lady, who do they make these questionaires for??? that must be an indication that I'm doing things that were intended for a much younger crowd LOL

16. What was your childhood nickname?
Sammy, my dad called me that :(

17. Do you have any strange phobias?
The Post office

18. If you're home alone do you close the bathroom door, when you use it?
nope. Sometimes I don't close it when I'm not home alone...

19. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
they were married for over 30 years before dad went to heaven

20. Who would you want to be with now?
someone that is no longer in my life but I wish was

21. Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet?
So many I can't count

22. Do you crack your knuckles?
Sh** no, that irritates me

23. What's one thing that can always be found in your refrigerator?
Milk, does a body good.

24. What color are your bed sheets?
Green! My favorite color

25. How many kids do you plan on having?
Already had 5 (again, this is intended for youngsters, huh?)

26. Plans for tomorrow/tonight?
Meeting

27. When was the last time you went out of the state?
Sh#% too long ago

28. Generally, in life, what makes you happy?
My kids, they are the best.

29. Do any of your friends have kids?
Oh yeah

30. Do you know anyone that is pregnant right now?
Um, no

31. Who should pay on the first date?
Pay for what?

32. What woke you up this morning?
My aching back

33. Do you have any ugly friends?
I don't hang out with ugly people

34. What is the ugliest color to wear in your opinion?
Neon orange

35. Have you ever liked someone who all your friends hate?
I'm the one that everyone hates

36. Have you ever felt like driving off a cliff, seriously?
NO, but I used to have a recurring dream about driving off a cliff and falling....

37. Do you scratch your ears?
IN my sleep!!

38. What brand are the pant/jeans you're wearing right now?
Not wearing pants ;)

39. How tall are you?
5'2"

40. What is the closest green object?
maybe my sheets

41. Are you wearing make-up?
LOL, what do you think?

42. Do you have a tattoo?
Two, one on my shoulder, Indian feathers. one on my ankle, music note on a rose. Time for a new one too.

That was fun for me, killed about 20 minutes. Think I'll taking my old bones to bed now, lol. It is about 10 below out here right now. booooooooo. But the sun was still shining at 5 p.m. Yeaaaaaaah. Peace out, ya'll.

Freedom

It's been 42 hours since my last cigarette. I am tired of being tied to this awful habit. My kids are tired of it too, so we made a pact, they are going to be extra good for me since I am trying to quit! I'm chewing nicotine gum furiously and praying a lot. Addiction is slavery, anyone who's been addicted to anything knows what I'm talking about. But I'm going to handle this like I'm handling my other addictions, one day at a time. It's a system that works, prayer, support and a sense of humor! I've got a good feeling that I'm gonna do it this time. Woo hoo!

My computer is making me sooo mad...it keeps shutting down on me. I've started this blog once already today, grrrrr.

I think I broke my toe, seriously, it's black and blue and swollen so big it looks hilarious. I must walk like a clown or a cowboy that just got of his horse. How do I always stub my toe? I'm famous for it, and I can't seem to stop doing it. It's so f*#%ing painful you'd think I'd learn. But noooooooo, and I even keep hitting the same toe over and over again. How do I do this???? There is something very wrong with me, I swear.

I got an email from my cousin Dawn and she told me she was elected Homecoming queen at her high school!! I am so happy for her! That young lady has overcome some serious obstacles in her life, she is so strong and insightful. I couldn't be prouder, she's an inspiration. Not only that, it's very unusual for a Native student to be the homecoming queen at that school. I don't even know if it's happened before, if it has it's not been very many times. It certainly never happened when I was in school...back then the natives were treated so badly it was sickening. I saw some terrible racism at that school so it is exciting to know that it is changing. How nice to hear some positive news in this world today! Thanks for writing Dawn, you made my day! And congratulations girl, you ROCK!!!!

I was up most of the night, worrying of course. I hate that I do that. My grandma used to do that, it runs in the fam. I used to read the Bible to her, the passage about how God takes care of the birds and the flowers so of course He'll take care of us, and she would nod her head and say "Ya, dat's right". Then we would pray for everyone that she was worried about and I would sing her to sleep. I need a dose of my own medicine. Any volunteers? I go to bed at about 11 p.m. so if you want to come over and read the Bible, pray and sing I'll be more than happy to let you in. I need some sleep....

Hope everyone is warm and happy. Catch ya later, gotta go meet Kira and Jesse on their walk home from school.

cake by friends

Hello everyone!I'm at my friendly neighbors house blogging because my computer won't let me upload photos and I wanted to share some with you all. Her name is Peggy and she is VERY cool. She brought over some "dump cake" which I've had before but hers is by far the very best that I've ever had. Diet starts tomorrow (I say that every day).Anyway, love u all, here's some pics, ENJOY! and stay warm....

Separate Roads

My dear friend Richard passed away. I'm so broken hearted I cried most of the day yesterday. He was such a wonderful soul. My kids really liked him too and I hated to tell them. It's so unexpected, you know? Just like when my Dad went, I was in such shock. Richard was not doing so great physically but he seemed to be getting better all the time. And his spirit was so vibrant that I never dreamed that it was his time to go. I will miss his mischievous smile and our long talks. He had good taste in music, the same as my dad, so I hope they meet up in heaven and Richard can tell him how I'm doing. Rest well, my friend, rest well. I'll see you someday. Thanks for being my friend.

I'm crying again so I'll write more another time. Just remember, we never know when it's the last time we're going to see someone so be kind, always be kind.

peace--ruthie

No title, just words

I woke this morning in one of those stupors where I don't know where I am or how I got there. Ever do that? It usually comes when I'm waking out of a very, very deep sleep. So I woke slowly, rubbing my eyes and looking around and I realized I was in my sons bed. It all came back to me. I took a very hot, glorious bath last night, I've never had a better one in my life. Out bath tub is nice and big so after I bathed my kids I looked at the tub and thought, why not? So I filled it to the top with steaming clean water and some bubbles and climbed in. Aaaaaahhhhhhh. I don't even know how long I was in there but it was beautiful. When I eventually climbed out my kids were already in bed (they rarely do that on their own, must have gotten tired of waiting for me). So I cuddled with my daughter for a minute, stroked her hair and told her how much I love her and sweet dreams and all that. Then I climbed in with my son and told him the same thing. I think. I don't know for sure at that point because that's when I fell asleep. I slept very soundly because I never woke once all night and realized I was in the wrong room. Anyway, when I climbed out of Jesse's bed to make some coffee I had to laugh because all the lights in the house were still on. Wow, some bath huh? I should do that every night. But I'll have to make sure I turn off all the lights first, or I'll never be able to pay the bill.

How sad about Heath Ledger. I've had a terrible crush on him ever since Knights Tale. I saw Candy last month. Horribly real movie. If you've never seen it, you should. Warning, it's dark. I will miss seeing him in movies.

Counting down the days until spring......Kira and Jesse are loving their new school. They are both almost as tall as me and can even pick me up. lol. They delight me daily with their insights. Jesse has a 4th grade girl checking him out. But he doesn't like to talk about it. I'm impressed that he even told me but I think he's sorry he did cause now I keep asking him questions and he says MOOOOOOOOMMMMM. Kira giggles away and states she hates boys. Good.

Please write everyone, this is my lifeline at the moment!

Where the sun don't shine

If my typing is bad, it's because of these *&#$ nails I got a few weeks ago. I love how they look, but I can't type worth a crap with them. Oh well, beauty has its price. What I hate is it makes me look like a bad speller, which I most definitely AM NOT.

I was thinking about that saying, "Stick it where the sun don't shine" (Ya, I think about stupid weird things a lot) and it occurred to me that the sun don't shine in Alaska. So when you tell somebody to stick it WTSDS you could actually mean HERE. Or maybe Alaska in the winter is equivalent to other places where the sun don't shine. YOu know what I mean, right? When it is cold and dark in the middle of January that is exactly what I think. I am stuck in a giant ASSHOLE and I want to GET OUT.

Seasonal Affective Disorder, that's what they call it. I say we call it Stuck where the sun dont shine disorder. Yeah.

I'm out of smokes, had to smoke a snipe to start my day, hence the anger.
Do you all blog everyday? Or just when the mood strikes you? Do your friends read your blogs? Or is it more journalistic than anything? I'd love to stay and chat but I've got a nicotine habit to support. N' ts'edi da (I think thats how its spelled)

Nothing it to it...you just wiggle round

That's what my dad said when he was dancing at my little sisters prom. At the high school junior/senior prom they allow the parents to show up for the crowning of the prom king and queen. So a bunch of unwanted dorky parents show up to snap photos of their beloved children in all of their finery. I, being the big sister, was allowed to come along to ooooh and awww over the beautiful young princes and princesses, tuxedos, suits, ties, formal gowns, cocktail dresses, fashion at its finest in our one horse town. Then there was dad. Dad, dad, dad. He always had his own way of dressing as it was. "Western wear" is what he called it. And I suppose that's exactly what it was since we live in the westernmost state of the 50 (or is Hawaii farthest west?? not sure). Anyway, we are on the western side so we don western wear, correct? Dad would show up in his regular baseball cap or some years, his stetson. His blue jeans were a regular as was the button up denim shirt with the white tee underneath. In his later years he stretched his style to include favorite NFL team sweatshirts and tennis shoes. You get the general idea.

Well this was my littlest sister, the baby of the family, her prom night.I believe she was on the court and the vote was in, we were waiting to see if she was the first Shinn girl to be crowned Queen OF ANYTHING. The suspense, aiyiyi. Strangely enough, I don't remember if she won or not. What I do remember is the whole family being there to support her. Her steady boyfriend at the time was her "Prince" And I know WE thought that they were a shoe in to win. I mean, just look at them! Perfectly adorable. That fresh sweet innocence of youth, smells like teen spirit they say. They were the epitimy of teendom and I loved to see it. So did my dad.

They let the parents boogie down for a few short songs after the crowning and then kicked us all the hell out of there so they could get on with the not so innocent stuff of the evening (my parents were in complete denial about the not so innocent stuff, what! their daughter? nevvvveeerrrrr!!!) So we got to watch the middle aged moms and dads swing it and shake it like a salt shaker for the kids to songs that the DJ must have thought were perfect for the old farts. I think it was Twist and Shout by the Beatles and some Led Zeppelin or something like that. My mom, ever the spotlight lover, ran out on the dance floor and starts doing her version of the twist, invisible bath towel in tow. She had her dance steps down, no hesitation or fear. She was always comfortable in the spotlight. She was at her best in front of a microphone, no fears, no worries. My dad, on the other hand, was never comfortable in crowds or especially in front of them. But he was always up for a good time, especially when it came to us kids or the grandbabies. So he got out on the dance floor with my mom and did some sort of rendition of the "Jerk". My parents always managed to acquire an audience whenever they made a public appearance.Us kids, overshadowed by moms and pops popularity, stood reassuringly by and watched the magic that was happening on the dance floor. Decades of living, loving and dancing together unfolded before our eyes. We hadn't really seen our parents dance, ever. But there they were, boogieing with the best of them. And my dad's classis line, " Nothing to it. you just wiggle around a little bit, right?" Had us in stitches. I don't even think he was trying to be funny. He just was. Always.